Comment: Hello, My name is Amanda....

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Hello, My name is Amanda. I am a single mother to 3 young girls. I have twin girls that are soon to be 6 and then I have a 4 year old daughter. As like any other mother I want the best for my children. I recently got out of a bad marriage with the my children's father. We was married for almost 7 years. I have always considered myself a now reborn Christian woman and I really did not want to end up another divorced single mother. However the circumstances overwelmed me and my hands was tied. The truth is that my now ex husband has a drug addiction. He did some drugs when we was dating but as a insecure teenager I felt that was just normal and I over looked it because he liked me and I was never the type that got asked out very much. Although I feel silly for it now, as a teenager I never saw it through the eyes of an adult. Needless to say after about a year of dating I found myself pregnant. Not only was I have a child but I found out I was having twins. It was a very hard pregnancy. I was sick night and day. I never had much help from the girl's father. I was in the hospital more than it seemed that I was out. I never had any thoughts of abortion or adoption, I did know that I had to face my mistakes and responsabilities. And that was far from easy. When the girls was 6 months old we decided we would get married. I was not really ready for it, but then I felt obligated to. The marriage was very rocky. He still relied on his drugs for everything and was gone out to get drugs day after day. I took care of the girls. He would come in night after night drunk,loaded on pills or just high. When I spoke of it in disapproval he would be come enraged with anger and we would fight. Not just verbally but physically as well. I can remember signing the girls up for the pretty baby contest in the county fair. We had a fight on the night before and he hit me in my cav muscle so hard that I could not walk without limping. However, I was a determined mother, so therefore I walked across the stage with a limp. This was just the tip of the iceburg for the pain I endured. He got drunk one day and I asked him to make me a bottle for feeding time. I had some bottles soaking on the counter in the kitchen. A normal person I would hope, would not have got one of those bottles to use but his impaired judgement did so. The bottle was full of Sun dish washing liquid. I did not know that he grabbed the wrong bottle so I started to feed it to my daughter. She did not want to eat it obviously and spit it up. Then I took notice that it was really bubbly. I asked him where he got the bottle and soon figured out what he did. I was in a panic and called the hospital. They told me that she would be fine that she would just have an upset stomache from the ordeal. As they got older things just got harder for us. He lost his job and was unemployeed. I started to job search shortly after the girls was 6 months old. He continued to do his drugs and drinking. His friends was with him all of the time and I always had a house full. I got angry and I just wanted it to end. I wanted him to work and to stay off of drugs. He agreed that things would change. We moved and I thought that we would have a bright new begining. It did last for a short time and then he lost yet another job, which left me the only one working. That gave him the gumption to have his friends back around while I was gone to work. And of coarse that led right back to the drugs and drinking. After a year of marriage and working I found myself pregnant again. So once again I approached him with my concerns of him staying off of drugs and make his family top priority. And again he agreed to it and stopped yet again for a brief period. But he also continued working and did go without his friends being around all of the time. This time things started to look brighter. We decided to go and buy a $60,000 dollar new home. I was so happy and excited. I knew that we would have to have something bigger than what we had. My youngest daughter was born and it was just something wonderful for us to look forward to. So after my youngest daughter was born, we moved into our new house. He was keeping a job and I thought that things was going great. Then once again we was near his friends and they started coming back around. That just lead up to him losing yet another job. I was once again stuck with the morgage payments and the bills. He did nothing but play video games and hang around with his friends that did drugs. Things began to fall apart yet again. He just became more dependant on drugs and the visits of his friends. We fought day in and day out. I was working still and having a really hard time making ends meet. He had 7 people staying with us to support his drug habits. I soon could not afford to pay all of the bills and not one of his live ins offered to pay anything to help me with the added expenses that they had help earn. I worked second shift and I pulled a lot of over time. I left the children with him to take care of. I never knew until later on after I went to day shift that his idea of watching the children was turning the lock a round on the bedroom door and lock them in their room. The poor children would soil themselves and need to be changed and bathed. I was at work so I just assumed that would be just commom sense. However, I was wrong. During this time they would take off their soiled clothes and then use the bathroom where ever they had to go at because they was only 2 years old and was cut off from the world. He would go outside and play basketball, ride bicycles like a child, or play video games with his friends. When I would come home from work things was changed so that I was not aware of what he was doing. My uncle started dating a woman next door to us and later told my mom that the girls was standing in their window, naked and dirty. Fights was starting to break out between some of his friends. One of his friends started selling drugs from our house. The police was called to our house on numerous occasions for fights or disturbances. Then my uncle called my Mom and she got in contact with me and told me that I was just about to get reported and I was going to lose my girls. I started to panic right away. I was behind on my house payments and I decided that I just wanted away from it all. I allowed the house to go up for auction. So we moved yet again. I was still the only one working as usual. Things slowed down again for us after the move. As before he changed for a short time. I was still working and he was working as well. I then had a bad turn during the winter weather and I rolled my van on icy roads which had me layed off from work for a while. He ended up losing his job shortly after that. Then things began to go the same way as they had in the past. I was fed up for the last time. I left with the children and we moved in with my Mother. Not long after returning to work, and being without him I had another turn for the bad. My father grew ill and passed away. I was off work yet again and mourning and depression . He and I decided to try to make things work while I was vulernable and without a father figure. But instead of moving bak in to our last home, we stayed with his parents.When we finally decided to go back to our other home we found the electric had been turned off. It was a very expensive bill so we ended up putting our belongings in storage and stayed with his parents. I was really depressed from all of the hard times that had happened. Losing a house, wrecking a vehicle, and then the loss of my father just topped it all off. I was still taking time off of work and I had started to get help with my depression. I then decided it was time to go back to work after a few months of not working. I was still not over my depression, but I knew that money had to come in. He was working again, but I knew that never seemed to last long. And it did not. He started back on drugs when he started back to work. Money was low as usual. Not long after he quit again. He stole some money off of his own mother one day before they went out of town for a wedding. When his mother got back she discovered the money was gone and I got the blame. So we had a huge argument and she told me to leave. This all happened around 11:00pm one night. I called my Mom and we moved all during the night. He had lingered on after the wedding and stayed out of town. I had left for the 2nd time of our marriage. When he got back home we was gone. I decided that it would be best if we could go somewhere that he would not bother me or pressure me to become a family again. But that was just dream. He found us and began the usual apologizing. However, I was not too quick to take him back. I got a job and saved my money and got my own house. He took it upon himself to move in with us again after we got a new home. He worked for a while and then yet again he quit. Bills got to hard for me to pay so needless to say our electric was turned off and I could not pay the $800.00 dollar bill. So I left again. The 3rd and final time. Now we are divorced and the girls and I stay on at my Mom's. I am finished with the craziness he has put us through. Currently I have been going back to college and I am trying to get my Lpn liscense.But I have been faced with some more bad times. I had to miss a lot this last sememster which disqualifies me for fiancial aid. My children and I was sick for almost 2 months of the semester. One of my daughter was having hearing troubles and she had appointment after appointment until finally she had tubes placed in her ears. My other 2 daughters as well as myself was sick with sinus infections and bronchial infections. Now I am faced with no fiancial aid to finish my eduaction. My ex husband has not paid me one red cent for child support. He has not helped me with the girl's school needs, or any other things that they have needed. I have done it all with some help from my Mom. My mom just can not do everything with 4 add ons to her small income. Now I am faced with all of the debts from the marriage because my ex husband has not payed his half on any of the expenses or as I have said child support. Right now I am in need with assistance with money to clear out my debt from the prior marriage. I really want to file bankruptsy but that costs a lot of money and I just draw a very small check that the girls and I are barely surviving off of. I also need help with making a career for my family. I really want to become a Lpn or go into photography and own my own studio. I juut can not make it on what I recieve. All I want is the best for my children. I am already their hero. I am not asking for pity or sorrow. I am just asking for some help. I really want to further my eduaction, as well as getting a clean slate on my credit report. I am still at my mom's house and I would also love to have my own home. I know that would also make the children very happy. They are what means the most to me. I just want them taking care of. If anyone is willing to help out a single mother with 3 beautiful girls, please contact me @ blossom222252@yahoo.com. Thank you for taking time to reading my message here. I hope to hear fom someone soon. It will be well appreciated because right now its hard for me to even buy shoes for the girls. Take care.....